This Is What It Looks Like

In yet another entry in the anthology of “I wasn’t going to post this, but it’s what was on my heart…”

‘Looking’ premiered on HBO a week and a half ago. Great pilot–one of the best I’ve seen in years, actually–and Jonathan Groff hit it outta the park with his character Patrick. I could relate to him, definitely a bit too much: meeting guys online who look really good on “paper” (computer screen?), and then something goes amiss. And I include myself in that translation to real life from the Internet; inevitably, I’ll open my mouth and something will spew out that offends/makes me look like a jackass. This is why, though I utilize it to the hilt, I still consider online dating to be cheating the natural system. One knows entirely too much about the other person before one even meets them, and therefore expectations are heightened. Thus, there’s the opportunity to fall much, much farther down from said expectations. Been there, done that, many times over.

At this rate, I’ve been on dates with everyone except the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker in the last several months. Rack ’em up: a dentist, a lawyer, an architect, and even a priest (actually a rector–long story on that one). Had a lunch date with a pilot last Tuesday that went nowhere fast, even though he was late (flight delay). The main reason Patrick in the show reminds me of myself is that he’s over the moon to go on a date with a doctor (pictured above). The doctor guy looks good on “paper,” but he’s not the nicest in real life. Patrick learns his lesson and after meeting a Latino barber/nightclub doorman on the subway immediately after the date, he gives the nice guy from real life a chance. (Things don’t work out between the two of them either, but that’s saved for the second episode.)

The same night ‘Looking’ premiered and I watched it online, Bob messaged me from Puerto Vallarta. He’s supposedly returning in a few weeks. My immediate, aspirational thought was, “This is what it looks like when he returns…” And I optimistically envisioned myself being well put-together, moving on with my life, not trying to get back together with him. It’s tough and it sucks and in a fleeting moment, I felt like I’d sleptwalked through all these silly dates to prove a point that wasn’t worth proving. That I was over him and, “Oh, look at me moving on…” Have I been moving on or has it all been for show? If I have to ask the question, clearly I don’t know the answer myself. Actually, I know the answer and just don’t want to admit it.

So this is what it *really* looks like…I’m glad my friend–supposedly my best friend–is coming home soon. God grant me the clearness of mind to look passed the past and look towards the future. In the meantime, I still have plenty of ridiculous dating horror stories to laugh about and learn from. At least they’re not televised on HBO.

brt

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