Last night was the season finale of ‘Nashville’ and it was a doozy. Rumour has it ABC forced the producers to combine two eps into one, which explains why it seemed like so much more drama than normal happened in 45 minutes. All that aside, I’ll reiterate what I said on Facebook: “I correctly predicted Mr. Kimberly Williams-Paisley would make a cameo on last night’s season finale of ‘Nashville’! I don’t know that an award exists for addiction awareness in entertainment, but to me the progression of this show over its first season ended up being about how addiction tore three families apart and how they attempted to heal from the wounds. Some scars are permanent and others can be mended if given the chance. Great finale…can’t wait for season two.” The first and last GIFs in the series above are Deacon relapsing after 13 years of sobriety. Naturally this leads to havoc and the finale ended with the
cliche car crash cliffhanger which ‘Dallas’ and ‘Downton Abbey’ have both used car flipping while Rayna and Deacon argued as she refused to let him drive drunk. I’m sure they’ll both be fine; as someone on Tumblr said, Connie Britton’s luscious mane of hair surely shielded her skull from any damage.
These last few days have been difficult and I’m not really in the mood right this minute to rehash them. Lots of crying. Lots and lots and it just never seems to stop. I’ve scheduled an appointment with the first addiction specialist I saw last year when I sobered up. He’s a yeller and doesn’t put up with any crap; he actually told me to, “quit telling [my] Southern stories and going off on tangents.” I need that kind of no-nonsense guidance right now, I think. So I’m seeing him in a couple of weeks, if I can’t get worked in sooner. I wanted to drink Tues. after going to AA on Mon., I wanted to drink last night at work, and I really wanted to drink when I woke up from a nightmare about 30 minutes ago. So I hopped in the shower and decided to blog instead. I’ve come too far in the last 16 days to turn around now.
On that note, I have some good friends and family looking out for me and praying for me. It’s always much appreciated and I feel blessed and humbled. I can do this and I can stick with it. Not because I have to or because the world will end if I have a drink. But because I want to stay sober and become a better me. To touch on the blog title: Hayden Panettiere’s character sang a song with that title at the end of last night’s ep, hence the words on the GIFs above. I think I’m also realizing I’m crying so much because I was using the 6-8 drinks a day to self-medicate and push everyone and everything in my life away from me. As long as I didn’t let anyone or anything close to my heart, they couldn’t break it, and I didn’t care. Now that I’m attempting to break down those walls, it’s tough. Really tough and even tougher to realize how poorly I’ve treated people who cared about me. That’s where the 12 Steps come in and I’ve not even started those.
My sister sent me the below Rick Warren quote this morning and I really appreciated it. The memes below it are ones that cheered me up this week and made me laugh. I still can’t crack a book since I’ve been on this medicine to save my life; my attention span is non-existent. (I think it took me two hours to watch ‘Nashville’ last night; I kept stopping and starting it because I was so distracted at work.) So Tumblr’s been a lifesaver because it’s all pictures, and there are some good quotes and mini-blogs on there which I really enjoy. Tumblr just got bought by Yahoo!, so hopefully they don’t F it up. On that note, enjoy the pics below and Happy Memorial Day Weekend–brt