I was going to share a poem from last semester, which I’ll still tack on to the end of this blog, but as I get ready to turn 30 (I couldn’t care less…I’ve felt old since I was 25!) I wanted to take a step back and quit thinking about memememememe for a minute. I’m sure this is shocking for those whom I’ve actually had the pleasure of hearing y’all say, “Yes, it’s all about you, Brian; all the time, everyday.” So that’s why this blog’s not all about me, for once…mark it down: 4.7.10, this blog is not about me at all.
I’ve listened to Star 94 for years and years, even when I was still in college (the first time around) and we’d come up to Atlanta to shop and party down Tucker-family-style. Anyway, Cindy has been a DJ there for quite a few years…since 2003, now that I look @ her Facebook page. Here’s lovely picture of her & her daughter Lily:
She & Ray did the afternoon show for several years, and they just moved to mornings last year, so I hear them on my way home from work nowadays. I actually remember Ray calling her during the afternoon show @ the hospital, like maybe a day after she had Lily. Okay, enough about me (wow, I’m really horrible @ this); I’m Cindy’s friend on Facebook, and this was her status on Tuesday of last week:
Okay, so yeah…I have BREAST CANCER. There, I said it.
She posted this about 7:30AM, so I saw it when I got home from work and gasped out loud, b/c I listened to my mp3 on the way home rather than turning on the radio. (Apparently it was tears all around when she shared it on the air, as her doctor called her after Monday’s show ended around 10AM.) It would sound very foolish–and even more self-centered–of me to say that I felt Cindy’s pain in that moment, b/c (a) we’re not “real” friends, and (b) I’m not a woman–I have no concept of both the physical and emotional pain that go along with such a diagnosis. But my heart immediately went out to her, and I lifted her up in prayer, which–as the old cliche goes–is the only thing I could do, besides leaving her a Facebook comment (which honestly seems so uncouth given the circumstances, but 57 other people left comments as well, and we’re mostly all just fans of the show). Cindy’s words tell her story the best, obviously, so grab a Snickers, or a cup of coffee, or–if none of this interests you–quit reading here.
Apparently I’m the Resident Idiot of WordPress; I can’t figure out how to cut-and-paste any words whatsoever in my blog, but here’s the chronological links to Cindy’s blogs from the past week. She’s a great writer, and her candidness and openness about her diagnosis have amazed me to no end. So here goes:
They can also be viewed on her blog home page, but for anyone who’s actually going to read them, please read them in chronological order, b/c she does such a good job of expressing how she feels from day to day. Here’s the link to her blog page: http://www.star94.com/cindy/blogs/home.aspx
Oh wow, so I literally just figured out how to cut-and-paste words in…by clicking on the HTML tab as opposed to the default Visual tab on here. Call me a genius complete moron, but all’s well that ends well! (I also just learned that strike-thru trick…I really am a regular rocket scientist very technologically-challenged old Pepaw.) All this leads me to say: please still click/cut-and-paste the links to Cindy’s blogs above to read her story. In all honestly, it feels like months since she’s shared her diagnosis, b/c not a day goes by that I don’t think about and pray for her. Her daughter Lily even has a segment on the show called “Lily’s Lyrics” where she sings, to the best of her 3 y/o ability, a snippet of a pop song, and people call in to try to guess what she’s singing. Her daughter is her life, and thankfully she’s surrounded by a great group of “real” friends, her mom (who’s a breast cancer survivor twice over), a very supportive boyfriend, and her church family. I’ll share one passage from her blog, and to read the rest please visit the links above:
You never can really comprehend how your life can change on a dime until you hear those words. I do know that because my belief is Faith, Family and Friends…I will get through this. My mom survived this terrible disease twice and I can’t let her down. I CAN beat this too. Plus, my beautiful angel of a daughter Lily kissed my chest and said “Mommy, I am a Doctor and I kissed you and now your breast won’t be sick anymore”. How do you argue with that? It was perfect. And that’s all she knows…Mommy has a sick breast and she kissed it and made it all better. And if only it were that simple. :o)
Every 27 seconds I feel like I have a new emotion. I’m scared, I’m sad, I’m worried, I’m totally freaked out and then I take a deep breath and keep repeating…I trust You Jesus, I trust You.
My girlfriend Noel sent me this from her devotional…”I am taking care of you. Trust Me at all times. Trust Me in all circumstances. Trust Me with all your heart. When you are weary and everything seems to be going wrong, you can still utter these four words: ‘I trust You, Jesus’. By doing so, you release matters into My control, and you fall back into security of My everlasting arms.” So there ya go…that’s what I am going to do…Trust.
Cindy has her mastectomy this week, and I think she’s moving this week as well (hopefully that got postponed…what a week to move, right?). I know this probably comes off very weird and slightly stalker-ish of me, but please pray for her–that God will continue to surround her in His loving arms and support her with the people she needs to lean on. No, I don’t know her personally, but she’s made me laugh and laugh and laugh for the last few years, so in that way I consider her my friend. Plus, she’s just a sweetheart…she literally has a sweet, huge heart, and I know her plight of the last week–and the way she’s shared it so openly–has made many women much more aware of breast cancer, and how it really can happen to any woman at any time. Ladies, please do a self-exam if you’ve not done one already. That’s all.
I’ve typed a book already, but the poem I promised is below. I had such fun writing this (it had to be a formal poem, so I picked an elegy). I wanted to share it around this time of year (not that my 30th is tomorrow or anything!).
On the Occasion of my 29.5th Birthday: A Satirical Elegy (10.8.09)
“You’ll miss them when they’re gone,”
I was very often told.
All of a sudden I realize I’m the one
Who feels so f-ing old.
That six-pack I once took for granted
Is now just a blob of fat.
“How did this happen overnight,” I ranted,
Whilst rolling the pie dough out flat.
My youthful good looks I sported
Are now seemingly gone with the wind.
“You must get fit,” the doctor reported.
Me: “Will Adderall really make me thin??”
He told me to research exercise,
And I told him I used to run track.
He retorted, “Did you ever win a prize?”
Me: “Of course, you idiot quack!”
Despondent, I went home in a fury.
“Oh looks, why abandon me now?!?”
I ran to the mirror in a hurry;
Tears pouring, I plucked and trimmed my brow.
I looked over and saw the eye serum
Which the Nordstrom’s salesgirl told me I need.
Applying it, I longed for a harem
To fan me and fetch me goblets of mead.
Alas, this meltdown is coming too late
As my youthful good looks are long gone.
I might as well sit back and embrace my fate.
Male biological clock, you have won.
Oh wait, here’s an infomercial:
“ROCK-HARD ABS IN NO TIME, GUARANTEED!!”
Me: “Thank you, operator, I feel so special…”
Her: “Sir, we give everyone the smoothie maker for free.”