I’ve been re-re-re-re-______-sober a week today and as fate would have it, I found the mix CD entitled “Six Months Sober” from 2011 in my truck as my friend Joel and I were driving around town today. As I started listening to the songs, several of them were alcohol-centric. Knowing me, I put them on there for irony’s sake, but it bothered me that I’d put them on there at all. (“Gettin’ Slizzered/Like a G6” by Far East Movement isn’t exactly the AA anthem.)
Maybe I’m too hard on myself; I dunno, it made me think about how little has changed in the last two years of my life. Like I told my mum the other day on the phone, I feel like this is the 15th time we’ve had this conversation, and I’m not going to swear on my life it’s going to be the last time. But for now I’m glad to be clear-headed and not be drinking. The first month’s always the hardest.
In related news, I’ve cried more in this last week than who knows when. But it’s always like this; tears of joy, tears of sadness, all at the drop of a hat. There’s no alcohol to numb the pain or hide my emotions. That being said, I’m also not crying all the way home from work because I’m scared of ending up alone after partaking of a few beverages on the clock. I’m not drinking and driving. There’s a lot of things I’m doing right, and I’m proud of myself for that, as I always am when I “do the sober thing.” I went to an upscale bar for dinner and drinks with my friends tonight and had absolutely no temptation to drink; I ordered my Diet Coke and Red Bull, took my Topamax beforehand, and I was good to go for the night. It’s all in the internal desire to get better for myself; not for anyone else but me. I can’t do it alone and I need the support of God and others, but I have to do it for myself.
Here’s another fun GIF from ‘Veep’ to end things this week. This show is getting funnier and more ridiculous each week, and HBO just renewed it for a third season. Hope everyone’s having a great week!