I was told the other day that it seems like I live my life like I’m a character on one of the several television shows I watch. Not by one person, but by two people at separate times. Go ahead and laugh, and I’ll laugh along with you and the two people who told me, who happen to be my friends. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism or a way of avoiding the harsh reality of life, but I do indeed tend to draw many parallels between my life and whatever shows I’m obsessing over at the moment (see *last week’s blog* for example #1). And I do the same with whatever movies I’ve seen, in this case ‘Behind the Candelabra’ on HBO and ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ which I finally saw last week. I won’t say much about either of those except that ‘BtC’ was much, much better than I anticipated, and ‘SLP’ was a dark comedy with a few cliche parts that will hit home with anyone who’s battled with depression or mental illness. Michael Douglas will win the Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie Emmy for ‘Behind the Candelabra’ and Jennifer Lawrence certainly earned her overdue Oscar for ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ (I think she deserved it more for ‘Winter’s Bone’ myself). Anyway, I thought I’d have fun with the blog title this week since I’m playing along and making fun of myself in the process.
All in all, things are good. The tears from last week turned to anger–complete with yelling and cursing and throwing things–over the holiday weekend, but now I feel much more calm and at ease. I got to the 12 Step AA meeting with my sponsor on Tuesday night and met with him afterwards to begin the process of actually working the steps. That’ll require meeting two hours a week, presumably before one of the meetings on Mon. or Tues. nights. He said he could tell from what I shared in the meeting that I was much more serious this time around than I was when I sobered up last year, but he reminded me that actions speak louder than words, and I can’t say I disagree with him. So that’s where I’m at, and it’s a good place to be.
Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. Work was cray-cray, but Memorial Day itself was relaxing with a game of tennis at the Hilton and a screening of ‘Behind the Candelabra’ that night with friends. I feel very fortunate that in a year’s time, I went from voluntarily removing myself from a built-in group of friends I had when I moved out here (lots of reasons I won’t go into here) to having a new group of friends with the possibility of many more, not to mention a church home where I meet more people whom I know each Sunday. And it really is great to be sober again. I want it to stick this time and not be having to do all this gut-wrenching stuff that comes with the first month of sobriety again in six months or less. That’s exhausting to myself and everyone around me and testing to my sanity; there’s no reason to put myself and others through that two or three times a year. The bottle’s not worth that, nor are the lies and heartache and self-hatred that come with it. So hopefully my sponsor and my addiction specialist can help me work on these things and I can move forward yet again and not look back this time. Here’s to that *raising my water bottle with no vodka in it*.